Dear Reader, I’ve had a little bit of a mental frustration the past couple days. Mostly blaming myself on and off for a majority of things. You know what is funny? According to my abusers I have done this to myself. By choosing to come forward. By telling the truth. I didn’t have to doContinue reading “Entry #55”
Category Archives: abuse
Entry #54
Dear Reader, All I ever wanted to be one day was a mother. To nurture and raise up my own little sweet babies. I have struggled a bit today with doubting myself as a mom. I blame myself for alot of things going on in our lives right now. But I know I cant doContinue reading “Entry #54”
Entry #53
Dear Reader, I dont really have many words to say tonight. I am desperately searching my brain for something to write about and I just have nothing left. I spent all day trying to keep myself busy with the kids, house chores and that super entertaining johnny vs Amber Trial. I spent all day tryingContinue reading “Entry #53”
Entry #52
Dear Reader, Today is mine and my husbands anniversary and I want to take a moment to pause from all that this blog is and appreciate the fact that this man has stayed married to me for 6 years. Hes put up with 6 years of manipulation by my family. Hes put up with 6Continue reading “Entry #52”
Entry #51
Dear Reader, There are moments where I wish I could go back in time. Where I would’ve said Yes In El paso when CPS and the military police asked me if my dad abused me… Moments where I scream from inside that Van instead of hide behind the front seat naked when that car droveContinue reading “Entry #51”
Entry #50
Dear Reader, She probably loved me. My mom. Im sure she did. Im sure despite the way she sided with my dad, she loves me in some way. Right? I dont even like to think of it. I dont even like to think of the possibility that she still cares about me. Because if sheContinue reading “Entry #50”
Entry #49
Dear Reader, There is pain everywhere. Pain in living in my Turth. In living in the reality of who I am. And what my life has been. Pain that I sometimes want to take it all back and go back to my life because My mind and heart truely believed I could build a relationshipContinue reading “Entry #49”
Entry #48
Dear Reader, My emotions are all over the place tonight. I feel an overwhelming amount of resentment and anger towards myself. Because In my mind I felt like It was okay to accept the constant pressure. In my mind I felt like I asked for it in some way or another. I’ve participated in thingsContinue reading “Entry #48”
Entry #47
Dear Reader, Its the little things. The little things about freedom that change the way you think. Like the way I thought about chores at the end of the day. I used to hate them. I used to see them as more work. I used to see them as exactly that a chore. But IContinue reading “Entry #47”
Entry #46
Dear Reader, I am not a vindictive person. I am loyal to a fault. I am one of the most kind hearted people you can meet. I don’t like to hurt people. I didn’t like to be the one to break ties with someone so I will often keep them as a friend even ifContinue reading “Entry #46”
Dear Reader, Love Ally 