Entry #46

Dear Reader,

I am not a vindictive person. I am loyal to a fault. I am one of the most kind hearted people you can meet.

I don’t like to hurt people. I didn’t like to be the one to break ties with someone so I will often keep them as a friend even if they treat me badly. It used to be one of my biggest flaws. Its why I stayed quiet for long. Its why I suffered for so long. I didn’t want to hurt my mom.

I used to care about her. Tremendously. I used to worry about what she would think whenever I did something as an adult. This didnt start happening until I became an adult and she started openly “appologizing” for her part in my life. I believed her and I wanted a relationship with her like any daughter would with her mother. Its easy to forget as an outside party that even though they abused me, I seeked there approval and love. I know its hard to understand why anyone would want a relationship with there abusers, but I truely wanted to believe Hed changed. I can hardly even fathom it myself.

Anyways. I am different now. I know my worth. I know my strength. I know that standing up for what is right is not wrong. I know that loyalty is great, but only those who plan to do good with my loyalty deserve it. I spent so much of my life looking out for the villians in my life. And now I am striving to protect myself, and the future children. And there future children. And that fight doesnt stop until the world changes. Until we find a way to protect our babies.

Love Ally