AllyPorter

Entry #15

Dear Readers, Sometimes I loose my temper. Sometimes I am so afraid of feeling alone or being alone that I can tend to be a bit difficult when my partner wants to go do something alone. Its annoying even for me. I was never truely open with anyone growing up. I always had this darkContinue reading “Entry #15”

Entry #14

Dear Readers, You know whats crazy? I think that some really bad people actually convince themselves that they are good. That they are right. Its an insane cycle to even think about. How in the world can someone who sexually, emotionally and physically abused you, actually think that them convincing the whole family and allContinue reading “Entry #14”

Entry #13

Dear Readers, Sorry todays post is so late. Its been a day. I tried really hard to have a good day today. And I did Today was good. But my anxiety was really hovering over me ever since I saw my abusers yesterday. My husband actually had to remind me that that was just yesterday.Continue reading “Entry #13”

Entry #12

Dear Reader, The crazy thing about living in a world without the abusers who raised you. Is that you think you feel this lingering cloud of them all around you. But you just think you do. Until you see them and you THEN FEEL THEM. You’re slapped in the face with the reality that theyContinue reading “Entry #12”

Entry #11

Dear Readers, Im doing something a little different this time. Ive been wondering if the woman I speak of so much. Reads these. Do you think she does? Well just in case. I wrote this very special letter to her. To the woman who raised me, What do I call you? What do you prefer?Continue reading “Entry #11”

Entry #10

Dear Reader, The last 2 days have been surreal for me. I hung out with my brother. And we tried so hard to keep the conversations as far from our parents as possible. But no matter what we were talking about the memories seemed to fall back on them. It was painful for me. PainfulContinue reading “Entry #10”

Entry #9

Dear Reader, My mind is blown. As I look at my art studio today. I see the pottery wheel placed to the left of the room. Theres a bear sculpture holding a bird in the right back corner. His fur is detailed, and there are wild flowers sculpted around him. Theres pottery bowls to theContinue reading “Entry #9”

Entry #8

Dear Reader, Today I had a therapy appt for my boys. We talked about whats been going on and I felt compelled to explain to you all what living in my life right now is like. It feels like I am living in two different worlds. One where I try to make everything as normalContinue reading “Entry #8”

Entry #7

Dear Reader, Its moments like these where I feel like They’ve won. Moments where everything is so silent. And the silence is pain. My husband went to bed tonight, hardly saying a word to me. And I know why and I know its not his fault. Maybe not even mine. But I feel like theyContinue reading “Entry #7”

Entry #6

Dear Reader, Today at my MOPS meeting they talked about fear. And it got me thinking. Fear is what prevented me from facing the truth in the first place. Fear of what people would say about me if they knew what my life was like. Fear of loosing friends. Fear of the unknown. Fear ofContinue reading “Entry #6”