Entry #40

Dear Reader,

One day life will be simple. One day I will play with clay and build a new mug right along side my kiddos. I will be able to coil build sculptures and they will be happy. And the pain that I feel wont randomly strike across my face. I know Ill always Struggle. But I have hope that 10 years from now the people who raised me will be just a distant memory. And the pain I feel now. Will be power later.

It is definitely a weird world When a psychopath who rapes children Actually believes that they changed. It’s a crazy world when that same physcopath is going around trying to get everyone arrested for breaking the law when reality is he won’t even face the punishment for what hes done.

I mean honestly am I surprised that hes still fighting it every second of the day? No. But that small little seed that they planted in my head about how loving and caring he is for me Still tries to pop back up and give me hope that they really are who they claim to be. But they’re not. They will stand by their sins. They will stand by their mistakes. They will forever hold on to their materialistic things. They will allow the world to think that I am mentally unstable. When really the reality is that they are. They will never be who they say they are because they never were those people.

He is the man who locked me in the room for hours With my brother while he molested my sister. He is the man who took turns with us while my brother was locked in his room ..it probably felt like days for him.

Arthur cared more about sex, more about being a baby fucker than he did about the fact that I was hungry. He would molest us over and over and over again sometimes all day long. Some of Those times I hadn’t even eaten a sandwich. My body, my underdeveloped body was more important to him than anything else. And now his reputation is more important to him than anything else. He was never going to turn himself in. He was never going to tell the truth. He was never going to the police station with good intentions. He went there To make me out to be a crazy schizophrenic when reality was I was just a damaged child.

And Now I am repairing that damage.

Love Ally