Entry #44

Dear Reader,

She knew. When my abuser was touching himself behind me on the living room floor watching a disney movie, while she sat on the couch. She knew. I a child. Knew the sound of him touching himself…and as an adult I still know that sound. So how could she not know?

I know what my kids are doing almost every second in my house. So how would she not know? When my dad snuck into my room that I shared with my sister and would choose which one of us to finger while he touched himself beside us…she knew. If he chose my sister I would fake sleep and just listen to it. The whole time wishing he wouldn’t come to me when her was done with her. But listening felt worse then actually performing the act. Sometimes.

So if I as a child. Heard it. How did she not? When My children are in there rooms and I am sleeping I can hear my son tip toe on the stairs of his bed in his room. When I am sleeping I can hear my son walking to the bathroom to use the restroom. Every day. Anywhere, anytime, any place I know what my kids are doing, just by hearing them.

So don’t tell me she didnt know what was going on in her own house. She knew every second if it. And she did nothing.

She was never going to do anything. She made me think she couldn’t hear him. But as a mother, I now know she did.

How could anyone do that to a child? Only the physcopaths know.

Love Ally