Entry #71

Dear Reader,

We hear the phrase “facing your demons” all the time in conversations about healing. Its a bitter reality That some of us face some major demons .

People tell us we have to face our demons in life, in order to overcome them. Whether that be how you feel about your body. Or how your confidence in yourself. Some people demons can be, never trying anything new, because of a fear of failing. Or for example, my demons, quite literally are my abusers. I hate to admit it. But they still have a power over me. I feel Angry when I think of them.

My biggest flaw when I am angry is my mouth.

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.”

Ecclesiastes 7:9

I can become foolish, and do foolish things when controlled by anger. In my life recently I have been trying to turn my anger, into Trust in God, and turn my frustrations into motivation to do things right.

Now thats not to say I dont flip the ocassional bird, or scream at the top of my lungs in anger. Trust me, I have felt the burning in my throat from screaming so hard. Most of the time, my screaming is more so in disbelief. But sometimes, every now and then its to express the well deserved insults to Pedophiles and people who defend them, or stand by them.

I have a bit of confusion sometimes with myself because I try so hard to grasp onto my Trust for God, but still I find myself in situations where I feel hot, and words leave my mouth before I even have a chance to realize what I am saying.

I feel as though God knows that. And He doesnt expect me to be perfect. He wants me to hold my tongue of course, but he knows I am going to slip up.

But I truely hope that one day, my relationship with Him is so strong that I wont slip up as much. And that I will be able to remain calm, even when facing my demons.

Because Anger Belongs to God.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. –Romans 12:19

Lord be with me, through every descision I make, so that I might be slow to Anger.

Love Ally