Entry #42

Dear Reader,

I am not sure what hurts more the fact that I was abused or the fact that I loved my abuser. The fact that even though he made me feel so low I also thought I could trust him. I’m not really sure how the mind of a child works when someone can treat you so badly as he did And yet you can love them so much.

Thats the thing though. A childs mind doesnt have the capability to process what abuse is when its an every day thing. It just becomes normal. And then even as an adult you want to believe that the people who abused you really did it because they loved you. Its a complicated place to be in. I know Its hard to understand. I know sometimes the views we had of a person can be influenced by the characteristics they portray. But they can be completely different people behind closed doors.

And its hard to comes to terms with that that specific person was an abuser, especially if you knew them as a child. Especially if you raised them. But do the victims blame a murderers parents? No. Everyone becomes there own person one day. And we do our best as parents to guide them. But I dont blame anyone but my abuser I dont blame his family.

In a world where abuse is so common its important to remember that you are not alone. There are women like me, women like you, or men like you, there are people all over the world that are not you but have experienced things Like you. You just have to reach out. Be a voice. And know we are not alone.

Love Ally