Entry #84

Dear Reader,

I find myself trapped in this never ending cycle of, Disbelief, Anger, Acceptance, Peace…moving on. And it continues round and around like tires on a car. Crushing Anything and everything they run over. Sometimes The cycle crushes the peace I was feeling, sometimes it Crushes the Anger.

Sometimes It just feels like its crushing me. My mom still has her facebook profile up and active. And her profile picture is a picture of my son. She cannot legally contact us. She cannot ever see my children again. She cannot even be in the same store as us. Yet she flaunts this picture of this fake relationship she had with my boy. I feel so much Anger that nothing can be done to make her remove the picture. I cannot contact her, i cannot threaten her. And Although I feel as though her face belongs in a pile of cowshit like the shitty person she is. I cannot put her face there. And thought I personally feel that anything I do or did is justified because of what they put me through. The law doesnt really see it that way.

I find it hard to believe that a picture of a child can be posted and not forcefully removed in situations where that person is under investigation for child abuse, and enabling long term sexual abuse. Shes not just some person who stole a few things from the store, or did some drugs. She stole my childhood. Abusing people and manipulating is her drug. And she shouldnt be allowed to continue to live in society. Shes a threat to children all around. And especially my children.

I feel the need to write this today because it takes everything in me not to confront her in person. Its not worth jeopardizing my freedom. However I am not the person to mess with. I know my time is coming. I know one day she will answer to me about her choices. And I know one day I can release the full audio recording I have of her saying that Her car and her house was more important then the lives of her daughters. She hides behind her flawless reputation. Just Like Judas was a disciple of Jesus. Sometimes the most perfect people are the biggest con artists.

Hiding behind her church, her reputation and her daddy.

‘Well honey Your Daddy Cannot protect you forever “mom.” Remove my child from your account and stop contacting my friends through third parties. How do you live in such a lie? Its amazing to me you are even still living everyday. I hope you are scared every morning when you wake up, every time you hear a knock at your door. And every night when you fall asleep I hope you fall asleep afraid of what I am going to do to destroy you. I dont have to do much. You destroyed yourself. But I am not stopping ever, until you are in the exact place as your husband whom you love so much.’

Im not really sure what else to say. I should probably stop writing before I get myself into some trouble.

Love Ally