Entry #81

Dear Reader,

How my heart has room to love these three amazing children, is beyond my comprehension. But oh how I do! An individual love for each of them that I cannot compare to the other.

Each one challenges me on there own ways. My oldest is so forgiving. So loving and caring. He will cry if he thinks he hurt your feelings, because He doesn’t want to hurt anybody. Its a wonderful quality to have, I think he gets that from me, but I would like to teach him that sometimes we can end up hurting ourselves, trying so hard not to hurt anyone else because people will take advantage of the ones with a kind heart. Not my son though because He will understand what love and care really is.

My Middle child. He is strong willed, loves deeply, and has a curious mind. Hes always asking questions. He challenges me to make sure I always have the correct answers for why some things are the way they are. He loves to catch me off guard. And sometimes he makes a game out of it. But I see a stubborn, resilient, and honorable man in there. I know he is going to be his own boss and really blow me away some day.

My youngest baby, my daughter, she saved me in so many ways that she will never understand. But I strive to always thank God for blessing me with her. Every single stage has been challenging for the two of us yet I know thats why our bond is as strong as it is. She is curious, alert and Opinionated. I can tell she won’t be a push over! She knows what she wants, when she wants it and if she doesnt get it.. well she will be sure to tell you with her facial expressions. Haha. And if I am in the room, you can bet she will object to you touching her. She is only nine months old. But I picture her clinging to my legs till shes ten years old and I look forward to that. She watches her brothers all day. She rejects naps most of the time because she doesnt want to miss a moment of what her brothers are doing. Or miss a second of mom holding her. I literally pack her around all day, I feel naked if I am not carrying her.

My heart has felt so much brokenness in its lifetime. Yet it’s only felt the love a mother feels for 5 years. And I will never go back. That love helps me understand God’s love. And helps me understand the love that I always lacked, And the love I have to give. A lifetime of brokeness was worth every future day of this Joy I get to feel.

I can’t wait to live this new beginning. Not broken but healed so I can show my babies how Unconditional God’s Love is, and I am consumed with it.

Love Ally