Entry #69

Dear Reader,

Letting go of fear, takes time. It seems as though we often feel afraid of what comes next. Afraid to fail, afraid to suceed, afraid of the what ifs, or the hows. Afraid of fear itself. We fear not being good enough. We fear judgement, we fear that if someone knows the real one hundred percent vulnerable us that they wouldn’t love us.

We all struggle with fear. And every time we accomplish something it seems there is another thing we fear ready to face us.

The reason I bring up this topic, even though I’ve brought it up before in the past ,is that the last several times my 2 year old has gone swimming he finally let go of his fear. Which was literally to let go of whoever was holding him so that he could float, and swim around independently. Or to let go of the edge of the pool. He was always holding on to something, too afraid to trust us that we wouldnt let him sink.

I find myself often times, in the same possition as my son. To afraid to let go. To let go of the friends that make me feel small. To let go of the family members that haven’t always supported me. To let go of my fear of what if. Instead of just holding on to what I know.

And I know that I can Trust My God. I know He has a plan for me. And for my children. I know He is using my life, to draw me closer to Him.

Sometimes I fear what will happen if I follow God’s word. If I seek for answers in The Bible. Because relying on Him in such an incredible and intense way can seem baffling to others. But I know, if I Trust Him. I can jump into this world full of fear, and know that the only thing I need to fear. Is my Jesus. Is my savior. Is my God.

And Just like that little boy who was afraid to sink. Who now cannon balls into the deep end because he Trusts, that even though he sinks for a few seconds, he will pop right back up to the surface. And if he doesnt. He trusts that someone will always get him.

I will trust that even when it feels like I am sinking in this life, that God will have me surface into an even better life then I could ever imagine.

Love Ally