Entry #5

Dear Reader,

I found out my adoptive father was finally served on April 1st. He probably thought it was an April Fools Joke. I wish all of this was some sick April fools joke. But its not. Its real and he hurt me and my family. The past month waiting for this moment felt like a year. Every single day has felt like a week. Every single day I felt like i was living to get through the day. Like I said in my last blog. Is this finally the first step to healing?

How do you move on from something as horrible as this? My answer is. You dont. You don’t just move on. But that being said. I feel as though I can start to heal. April 14th I have my first Court date. At 8:30 am. The first time in my life that I get to face him and say. He did this to me. He did this to my children. And I feel an extraordinary amount of overwhelming power. Ive spent my life being degraded. Being put down and any time I tried to take back my power, or take control over my life I was immediately shut down without even realizing it.

But today. TODAY. I know I did it. Today I know the pain I am feeling is laughable to them. But to me its pain that puts me in the right direction. I trust that Jesus is paving the path for me. I just need to follow his direction.

Is this real? I guess it is. I guess I finally said, Guy You no longer have power over me. I am no longer afraid to tell the truth about what you’ve done. I hope you find Jesus along the way. I hope He saves you. Crazy. Crazy I can still hope that he is Saved. Crazy I can still feel so much sorrow for someone who hurt me. So badly. Yet the sorrow I feel is also a Joy. A joy. A peace. I bow down at Jesus feet for He is delivering me from the darkest part of my life.

Love Ally