Entry #4

Dear Reader,

Life has a funny way of slapping us in the face sometimes. This weekend Ive felt unproductive. No calling investigators, or trying to get things rolling. Just enjoying my family. Today when i was out riding my horse, I felt this overwhelming peace surrounding me. This is my life. This is me. I thought. Over and over. Almost in disbelief that during such a trying time in my life I felt so happy.

I realized this weekend has been productive. I got to focus on my family. Focus on these moments of self healing with myself. Focus on my kids and making memories with them. We spent time sculpting clay and playing with toys. I was productive in a way that I was fully present. In my kids lives the past couple days.

Its crazy to know that, this is me. That I am actually Ally. Mom of three beautiful children. I love horseback riding, animals and learning more about myself. Although lately I feel like I am living each day just to get through the day. I am realizing that those feelings are only temporary. I was living every day just to get through life before. And these positive feelings about myself and my family. Are permanent. And twenty years from now Ill be looking back at all this as that one year that my faith was shaken and I stood my ground and God pulled me through. He build me to withstand even the strongest earthquakes.

My faith may have been shaken but I am coming out of this stronger. I am coming out of this a woman after Gods own heart. Wow. I hope I live every day in the now. Not the why. Just the now. In Gods timing I am Free.

Love Ally