Entry #19

Dear Reader,

I talked to my grandparents today… I went to there house expecting them to be open ears and extend there arms to me telling me they were so sorry what was happening to me.

I thought they would be shocked by what they were hearing about my dad and my mom, there daughter. But They seemed unemotional.

I wish I could say it ended in conversation that they believed me. And wanted to help me. But they didnt. They shut me down. They didnt believe me. My Papa….who I always trusted so much. The one who taught me how to drive a tractor. The one who always knew the answer to anything. The man who on thanks giving talked my ear off about the lakes. And I loved every minute of it. I loved how compassionate he was about conversations.

But today. Today that man told me to leave. Today that man looked me in the eyes and told me what happened is none of his concern. That man decided I didnt matter today. I feel as though he has died. And I am sad.

My Grandma…. I dont even know what to say. I always valued her opinion. I always wanted to look really good to her. And I of course loved her too. But today. Today she kept telling me to “stop it” to shut up. To stop talking. Today she said she didnt want to hear what I had to say. Today she felt like the memory of her died as well.

I am in disbelief. Everyone in my life who i looked up to so wholeheartedly as a child. Ended up being the ones who wont stand by me. And the people who i thought didnt care. Are the ones who do.

This world Im living in is real. And I wish it wasnt. Because imagine, the only good memories I held on to were my grandparents. And they too have turned there back on me.

It feels pretty empty to loose this much family. But I guess. They were never really my family in the first place. Because families dont hold on to a secret like this.

I have nothing else to say for the night.

Love Ally