Entry #1

Dear Reader
I was born In December, 3 Days after Christmas. My childhood wasn’t your average learn to explore at your own rate. It was hard. It was busy. It felt empty. I cant even begin to describe the absense i felt in my life. I didnt know what was missing. I do now. But at the time I felt alone. Like I was living in hell. And I was. Hell on Earth.
You see I grew up in the church. Surrounded by people who loved God and talked of God’s great blessings. I believed in him. I thought I did. I knew he could do Great things. But I didnt understand why he wasnt actively delivering me out of my darkness. At home. I was surrounded by false teachings. I was told not to have sex before marriage, because the Bible said so. And yet my dad was forcing me to watch pornagraphy and do sexual things with him. It confused me. It made me feel like. “What is the point?” So As a teenager I did exactly that. I had “what is the point” sex with every guy i dated. I viewed myself as already damaged. I remember in youth group passing around a rose. They told us to squeeze it and pass it on to the next person. At the end of the line that rose was crumbled up and destroyed. That represented virginity. My virginity. It represented my body. And why i should wait. But I was already a crumbled up rose petal. I was torn, I had holes and I most definitely felt used. I didnt feel like a beautiful fresh rose with wholesome petals. Not even close. So my virginty never mattered. I felt like I never mattered. I know now that I did matter, but its been the wildest journey of my life. Buckle Up Readers, youre about to get to know Me.

Love Ally Porter